A Rant of Sorts

I grew up in a small town. This has many merits, and many demerits. On Sunday morning when I walk to church, it's rare that someone doesn't pull their car over to drive me the rest of the way. When I forget ID, clerks at the beer and wine store know me, so I get Chardonnay just the same (let me clarify: from high school, not from frequent visits!). There's some wonderful, good, hardworking people who live here, and they've taught me much about the way I want to live life.

But one thing I'm really, really struck by, having come home for the summer after creating a life-plan which involves a lot of school, is the mind-set of a lot of people.

Read: the pitying looks people give me when I tell them that I intend to get a Ph.D, a look usually followed by what I imagine is meant to be a reassuring comment of: "Don't worry, dear. Soon enough you'll find an M-A-N and forget all about a P-H-D."

While I have nothing but respect for women who do choose to marry, and be full-time wives and mothers, comments like the one above really infuriate me. The balance between work and home, or the choice to work in the home, is a choice meant to be made by each individual woman, on her own terms and conditions.

I made a decision to pursue music scholarship. While I very much hope to get married, and have children, a man that isn't willing to accept my career ambitions is not someone I see myself being with in the long-term. To reject something which is that much a part of me is to reject me, period. That's not the makings of a successful long-term relationship, and certainly not the makings of someone I would want to raise children with.

Furthermore, I hate the insinuation that I can't have both.

It's an insult - not only to me, but to all women who have successfully balanced, and who are currently balancing, both academic careers and family lives.